


I'm a Pet

by Runadaemon



Series: Secret Life of Pets? [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth Being Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Gen, Hot Mess Adrien Agreste
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:47:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22057276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runadaemon/pseuds/Runadaemon
Summary: Hammy Noir, here to save the day!Alternatively, Hawkmoth's ass gets kicked, but he doesn't understand how.
Series: Secret Life of Pets? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587589
Comments: 36
Kudos: 248





	I'm a Pet

**Author's Note:**

> For Miraclesoup, because your comment was funny, and I was considering this anyway.
> 
> **I'll be cleaning this up later, but wanted to get it out now. If you get an alert, that's why.**

If anyone asked Gabriel Agreste who his greatest nemesis was, he would say Audrey. If anyone asked Hawkmoth, he would be torn. On the one hand, there was a pesky creature that never knew when to quit and constantly interfered with his plans. On the other, there was a pesky creature that didn’t know when to quit and often interfered with his plans, causing quite an energy drain at the same time.

It turns out that while Miraculous Ladybug would restore the contaminated energy and purify it, he would still get the energy back. Hence his ability to monologue, to rant, and to continue about his day after defeat. When a creature ate his butterflies, malicious energy and all, it drained every bit of his energy and left him unable to create a new akuma for a few days.

It took a few months to figure out why he would often end up bedridden after sending a butterfly after any kind of dramatic teen angst. Most adult woes were safe to direct his butterflies to, but any teenagers he felt were rapidly protected. He ranted and railed from his bed at Ladybug for weeks, certain she had found a way to incapacitate his akuma before they took hold. He was wrong.

****************************************************************************

Hammy Noir was an enterprising hamster. He soon learned how to escape his cage, and within a few weeks, the ball only held him when he wanted it to. He was always care to be sure his Angel didn’t see how he escaped, but the food they offered just wasn’t satisfying a certain craving he had. As he wandered the school during club activity time, he noticed something black and purple fluttering in the corner of his eye.

‘Ah,’ he thought. ‘Lunchtime!’ He quickly scampered around the window sill and down to the floor, rapidly crossing the walkway in the shadows before climbing the rail and leaping into the air. A distraught girl on the stairs screamed as Hammy Noir fell into her lap, chewing rapidly with an incredibly satisfied face.

Hammy Noir grabbed the last wing of the butterfly and quickly chowed down on the delicious insect. The insect itself wasn’t anything exceptional, but the energy it provided made Hammy Noir’s tummy warm and plump. It could provide energy for a few days all by itself. Hammy Noir patted his belly, as he thought to himself. ‘Mmmm, delicious darkness. The perfect delicacy before a few quiet break days away from the kiddos.’

The distraught girl picked up Hammy Noir cautiously, having heard of his reputation. As she as stopped to look at him, he scampered down her arms and back to the floor before easily disappearing into the shadows once more. He was off to seek his Angel, the divine source of beautiful energy that he couldn’t eat, but he could certainly appreciate.

Before he could catch up to her feet, orange sneakers got in his way and he squeaked as he looked up into the green eyes of his greatest rival. The boy that consistently got in the way of the quest for his Angel’s entire focus. The boy’s face shifted from disbelieving to conniving as he bent to pick up Hammy Noir.

Hammy Noir was searching for a clean space to bite when he heard a beautiful sound. “Marinette!” Ah, the sound that would produce his Angel. If he could make that sound, he would have his Angel always. Alas, human pronunciation was much harder than Kwami-speak with these awful teeth. Hammy Noir immediately dismissed the flesh he often nibbled in favor of looking for the Angel of Creation.

“A-A-Adrien?” His Angel’s voice rang out. He wasn’t sure it was supposed to have that many sounds, but he dismissed it easily. Hammy Noir had no use for learning the Cretin Rival’s real name. He squeaked when he saw the Angel get close enough, before leaping from the panicking boy’s hands and landing on the bag the Angel often wore.

Hammy Noir heard the quiet scrabbling inside, and snickered to himself at the Creator God’s surprise. He wasn’t even startled at the Kwami’s rude response to his snickering. The Dark God would have likely dropped his coveted cheese at the Creator God’s words, but he wasn’t close enough to hear it, right? A faint sputtering sound coming from the Cretin Rival’s shirt showed him otherwise. ‘Oh well,’ he thought. ‘Not my problem.’ Hammy Noir then scaled the purse until he could plop down on the Angel’s star dusted shoulder.

“Hammy!” He obligingly squeaked at his Angel’s heavenly call, absorbed in luxuriating in her aura. He couldn’t eat her, but oh, the feeling of her aura surrounding his was like soaking in an incredible hot spring. Not that he could actually take any kind of bath in this form. It was just one more reason why this punishment was the worst he’d faced in centuries. If he ate many more of those butterflies though, he might finally escape this form and be able to get revenge.

Hammy Noir drowsed pleasantly, enjoying the squeaking of his Angel, the warmth of her aura, and the lovely daydreams of vengeance. Today he was still a hamster, stuck in an ever-repeating loop of hamster lives. But who knows, next week maybe he could finally meet his Angel and speak to her. If the Creator God didn’t stop him. He snickered. As though the puny god could stop him in his real form.


End file.
